Thursday, June 14, 2012

How Do You Show Your Husband Love?

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Seems simple enough. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my dog- done. Unfortunately, the simple part is not loving them, it is showing them I love them.

So many studies have proven that marital happiness takes a plummet after a couple has children. I can see why. I don't have the time, energy, or brain cells left to think, "Okay, Goosey is finally asleep after 30 mins of back rubbing, Gabbers' laundry needs to be hung out, then I have 2 phone calls to make while I check my emails before I race to get the dishes rinsed and in the dishwasher so before the kids wake up and need a snack and cuddle I can get dinner started, oh, and let me think of a way to show my husband and kids I love them." It just doesn't work like that for me. My brain is so scattered with my to-do list and my daily tasks that I don't always make it a priority to show love. True, love is embedded in the things I do. It's quite obvious I'd do anything for them, have I have completely given up my life for them, (to get a new, much fuller and rewarding life, I might add.)

I should still show them love more clearly. It's easy to forget. One day I stopped to think about my dear hardworking husband. I realized how very sad it is that he might not feel the full weight of my love. When we were dating, one time I took my now Hubbers in the car, and didn't tell him where we were going. I drove us 45 mins away to the top of the Grand Mesa in Colorado where I knew of a look out point you could watch the sun go down and the lights of the Grand Valley slowly flicker on. I took out some wine, (knowing him as well as I do now, what a sport he was to actually drink a whole glass of the local Honey Mead!) and a picnic lunch. We sat and watched the sky darken and the lights come on, put a blanket on, and just talked. We took a different route home and stopped to get a pizza in Montrose, Colorado. When is the last time I've done something even remotely like this?... I mean, I guess I did say he could go fishing without us tomorrow morning, but that's not really quite the same, is it? Though, it is a way I do show him love. 

I do need to make some more 'grand gestures' like that one. Yes, we are deep in the throughs of kid-raising. But we are still married, and when our kids are grown we will still need to feel whole together. These days, grand gestures are going to be fewer and more far between, so I thought of some 'not-so-grand gestures' I can do on an almost daily basis... 

Not-So-Grand Gestures to Show My Husband I Love Him... 
1. Do 'his' job when he doesn't expect it.
I mow the lawn when the kids are playing outside sometimes. It's nice to see his face when he comes home and doesn't have to do it. Sometimes I'll take out the trash, or make a phone call for him. You get the point.

2. Don't tell him about my day when he gets home.
Don't talk at all. Just smile, hug, and let him be. Maybe even ask him about is work after a bit of quiet.

3. Make him his favorite dinner and dessert.

4. Let him go fishing with the boys.
With no 'payback,' no sighs, no catch up work when he gets home. Just go have fun.

5. Look him in the eye.
When he's talking about his work. When he gets home. When you're eating breakfast. Pay attention to him, let him know he's more important than your text, dishes, or the news. 

6. Say, "I apppreciate..." and fill in the blank. 
I appreciate that you go to work for eight and a half hours everyday in a job you don't love so I can stay home. I appreciate that you never complain when I run out of groceries mid-week. I appreciate that you don't mind that my make-up and hair stuff easily takes up our whole double vanity. I appreciate how much love you have for your two little girls... etc.

Husbands don't ask for affection. They're not wired for that. My husband won't climb on the table, put his breakfast on my plate, and then squat next to the computer talking jibberish until I let him climb on my lap while I type, (as my 18-month-old just did, she obviously knows how to ask for affection when she needs it! Crazy monkey.)   

Maybe my list is small compared to others, but honestly, these days, I am exhausted with just the normal day to day. This is where I am starting. I will add to it. Can you add something in the comments?    

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